In preparation for this post I read ‘One More Thing Before 2021’. It was a very familiar read; I wrote about how well the blog had done, how not so well the YouTube channel had done, what was happening with my job and career, gave an update on the persistent existential crisis I’d been having for the last four years.
The post left me with mixed emotions. I was impressed by how much had changed and improved but I was also sad by how much had worsened or remained the same.
February saw massive changes; I had moved house and quit my retail job, which was not an easy decision. I didn’t want any employment gaps on my CV but the stress I was experiencing at work had reached a point where it was persistently making me unhappy. On top of that, getting to work from my new residence was taking even longer than it did from my old one. I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to quit.
I had no idea what I was going to do next, I just knew for certain that I wouldn’t work in retail again. Hence I spent a good majority of 2021 looking for jobs, sending out CVs, cover letters and attending interviews.
During this period I of course continued to run the blog, cranking out reviews on an almost weekly basis at some points. I sort of already mentioned this in The Best and Worst Of 2021 but this year has been the best yet for Duffhood. I reviewed three times more films than I did last year and attracted over 200 more reads. Halloween was another success, I was surprised by how much attention my coverage of the Friday The 13th franchise had gotten the year before hence this Halloween I chose to cover another big name horror franchise: Hellraiser. I’d seen the first six and was always curious about the remaining four I hadn’t seen. It was a fun trip watching numerous directors and writers interpret Clive Barker’s mythology, even when it was really tasteless and misinformed.
I mentioned in The Best and Worst Of 2021 that I had reviewed 23 new releases. That is true however what I didn’t mention was that I actually saw 25. That’s right, there were two new releases I didn’t review and before you ask, those two titles were Halloween Kills and The Devil Below. The reason I didn’t review the latter I gave in my review of Censor and as for why I didn’t cover Halloween Kills, I was too busy reviewing all the Hellraisers. Besides, I didn’t have any strong feelings about it. I had some issues but other than that, I enjoyed it. For that reason I didn’t think a review of Halloween Kills would be a particularly interesting read.
Most of the films I saw this year have ranged from pretty good to average. Coming up with my Top 5 Worst Films of the year list was rather difficult because I honestly couldn’t think of many titles that were outstandingly bad. Most of the 25 titles I saw were ok, they had their flaws but they were all pretty original and tried to do their own thing.
In addition to the five titles I selected for the Best of the year, I have to make some honourable mentions; Cruella, A Quiet Place Part II, Malignant, Wrong Turn and The Mitchells Vs The Machines. I recommend those films as well as my top five.
It’s been another bummer for YouTube this year, which frankly isn’t a surprise. In 2021 I uploaded a total of two videos, the lowest in the channel’s history. Those videos were Captain Sweden Vs Godzilla Vs Kong and Peter The Pretentious Pr!ck. Both I think are pretty decent, especially Peter The Pretentious Pr!ck. I’ve had the idea for the sketch for many years and it took months to perfect the script. I was intending to make a series based on Peter like Captain Sweden and Counsellor 6 but by the time I’d finally finished the first sketch, I was so exhausted that the enthusiasm just wasn’t there. That’s not to say there’ll never be another video with Peter, I just don’t expect to see it any time soon.
I believe that when I get a place of my own videos will be produced more regularly as it’s quite difficult, and embarrassing even, to shoot these silly videos under someone else’s roof.
I’m not too disappointed by my performance on YouTube as I feel my performance here on WordPress has made up for it.
In late August I started a kickstart scheme with an events company, which has been a lot more fun and rewarding than my former retail job. It’s a 6-month scheme so if my calculations are correct it should be done by the end of this February. What will happen after that I legitimately have no idea.
Somethings got better, somethings stayed the same and, as I stated at the beginning, somethings got worse. I gave up meditating, drank more often and my ‘existential crisis’ continued. When writing about this crisis in previous end of year reviews, I typically described it as a struggle to commit to certain crafts. I didn’t know if I could be successful in writing, drawing, YouTube or comedy. While this is true, I think it’s time that I come clean and reveal what’s really behind this persistent uncertainty. Five years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, it is these conditions that I believe are behind my lack of motivation and fear of commitment.
At the end of ‘One More Thing Before 2021’ I wrote this:
“I hope that a year from now, when you read ‘One More Thing Before 2022,’ I come across as more hopeful and certain, I say that COVID is gone and that Godzilla Vs Kong was incredible.”
Well, I was right about saying Godzilla Vs Kong was incredible but not about COVID going unfortunately.
Am I more hopeful and certain? No, but I think I know how to be and realizing that I can’t achieve peace and contentment in the pursuit of artistic and material success is a good start.
So a year from now, when I’m penning ‘One More Thing Before 2023,’ I don’t necessarily want to be writing a list of successes, I want to be describing how better I’m feeling about myself and how happier and less morbid 2023 has been. A basic wish for the New Year I know but after years of labouring towards the impossible, I think it’s what I need.
My plans for New Year’s Eve are pretty much the same as last year’s; watch Adaptation, only this time I’m going to watch it on Blu-ray!
Thank you so much for checking in on Duffhood throughout 2021. I hope you’ve had a Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year.
Thank you
Duffhood 