How to Bore and Irritate People. Twilight (2008) Review

After writing such positive reviews on The Act of Killing and The Revenant I thought I’d select a piece I could really nit-pick.

Having never seen it or read the book it was based on and hearing nothing but terrible things about it, Twilight seemed like a good choice.

Now I know people may criticise me for picking an easy target but having spawned four sequels and a huge fan base I presumed the film would’ve gotten a few things right.

Well…it got some things right…but not a lot.

Twilight pic
Do I even need to caption this?

The premise concerns a teenage girl, Bella (Kristen Stewart) moving into a new town in a new school and getting involved with a mysterious boy, Edward (Robert Pattison).

She soon discovers Edward is a vampire apart of a clan residing in the town. As their romance flourishes, another clan of vampires appear and cause conflict.

The biggest and most devastating problem with the film is the characters.

None of these people seem to care about anything. The dialogue never implies tension or concern. There are many occasions in the plot where the characters could’ve been challenged or startled but they’re always giving the same robotic expression.

I don’t want to criticise the actors because to be honest with characters this badly written the performances would’ve been terrible anyway.

Most of the special effects are laughable. There’s a scene where Edward carries Bella on his back and sprints through the forest at immense speed.

The way Bella remains completely stationary while Edward is dashing over such rough terrain is hilariously unnatural.

All right, I stated the film got some things right. One being the visual look.

Twilight is beautifully cold and dark. The greys of the woods and school and town create a wonderfully moody atmosphere. A visual atmosphere that deserved a better story.

Some of the cinematography is quite nice. At the beginning there are a lot of helicopter shots of the forest and town which establishes the setting pretty well.

Billy Burke gives a noteworthy performance as Bella’s father.

Don’t get me wrong most of the time he’s just as robotic as the other characters but Burke does convey the concern and warmth of a divorced father trying to make up with his daughter.

Apart from those elements the film is painfully boring. With its poorly defined characters I cannot recommend this at all. Trust me, its not worth it.

Twilight earns a god awful 3 out of 10.

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